How not to kill one's family, how to stop your sister rolling her eyes at you, dealing with bridesmaids who are being dicks, getting people to respect your wishes; SO EASY!
Guests numbers, avoiding all the 'good advice' from 'annoying people', budgets, what order to book things in and how to have a wedding that doesn't look like everyone else's
Staying sane, avoiding stress, the best rings for chubby sausage fingers and where all the great wedding dresses are hiding.
Hollywood movies will have you believe life lessons come neatly packaged during big life events. But they are wrong and dumb. Luckily I am not and I have all the answers to life's big questions within this blog post.
Global colour authority Pantone released the 2017 Colour of the Year just the other day. It's called Greenery and in case you are a moron, it's green.
When I first saw it, I was moderately excited. It's no Rose Quartz and Serenity - 2016's colours of the year which I still love with my full heart and soul - but who doesn't like a touch of green?
Monsters, that's who; people who hate nature, climate change deniers and those who think coal mines are the future. In short, it is only Tony Abbott and Donald Trump who are against Greenery.
Trump tweeted about it too: @realDonaldTrump: "Can you believe @pantone chose such a biased Colour of the Year? Another Greens Party conspiracy, bcos climate change is a scam! Shame on u Greenery"
Tony Abbott took a different position: @TonyAbbottMHR: "Charcoal would've been a superior colour choice for @Pantone Colour of the Year. Classic and good for humanity".
Plants are all the rage, so of course Greenery is the choice du jour. People's homes are filled with Fiddle Leaf Figs and succulents and ferns and those drapey hanging creepers. Offices are so green, there are people whose jobs are solely to water, dust, fertilise and whisper sweet nothings/talk dirty to office plants. That's their whole job. Professional Office Plant Carers and they are 100% in favour of Pantone's colour choice.
Kermit the Frog is bound to have a resurgence in 2017 thanks to the increase in love towards his particular shade of green. And while it is apparently not easy being green, it is easy to bask in the glory of thousands of bloggers drawing long bows about how 2017 is your year, furry fictitious frog friend.
Marijuana lovers, The Cannibist, are rejoicing in Pantone's choice, claiming "marijuana is greenery and greenery is marijuana". I hadn't thought of that, but I enjoy that while most people are looking to the catwalks to see hints of the chosen colour, there are millions of people having a spliff and a giggle that their greenery is finally the right greenery.
Much of the coverage of Pantone's choice - which is slated to influence fashion, interiors and weddings to name a few - focuses on the colour's life affirming-ness (shoosh, that is a word), and that it signifies new growth, revitalisation and rejuvenation. After the extreme ball ache that has been 2016, I am all for this. Affirm my life, Pantone! Rejuvenate me, Greenery! Revitalise my person, stat! I promise to paint my house Greenery, wear only Greenery coloured clothes, cover myself in alien slime, put Kermit on repeat and eat a diet of avocados, kale and the leaves of office plants, if it will mean a better year in 2017. Some might say I am stealing The Green Lady's schtick (feast your eyes, below), but I promise, I'm only borrowing it for 2017.
We have a bunch of sexy green furniture to hire to make your next event 'Greenery' central. See them here! And below! Good Day.
We bought a warehouse! It hasn't been stressful at all. No one is getting told to take a hike or pull their head in. NO YOU CALM DOWN.
Vintage styling is not about wheeling out nanna's old couch, nor is it what you see on Pinterest right now
A tale of fabulous older ladies, toffees and how one our most popular pieces came to join our collection.
There are people who set fire to mid-century furniture. Trigger warning: cruelty to furniture.
Because Potato Gems are retro AF. Highly suitable for hungover people.
The Masons are trying to recruit me, via a gorilla recruitment campaign involving second-hand telephone tables, laminated hierarchies and LinkedIn.